A Thin Line Between Want & Need

I do not need anyone else in my life in order to survive. (Yes, you read that correctly.)

Let me word it another way. Simply because I love you - or - have created a friendship/relationship with you, doesn't mean that I need you. I am sure this sounds bitchy and that is perfectly understandable, but if we are going to maintain an honest relationship here - you will have to step in to my shoes for a second to see things from my perspective.

The misconception is that people need people. I disagree. When people let their need take over in a relationships, the independence and ability to stand on their own two feet begin to dissipate.

If we have a relationship of any sort – it is because of mutual desire to want to spend time. To want to make memories. To want to be intimate. To want to share their life with one another. I think that when the want-to-be becomes second to the need-to-be, not only do we lose the excitement of being friends/lovers/whatever, but we stand to lose a piece of ourselves in the process.  

This: I want to love you.
Not: I need to love you.
This: I want you to need me.
Not: I need you to need me.

Being married for the latter part of my adult life has had many more than its fair share of ups and downs. I have at many points re-evaluated my purpose of staying, and I have had to remind myself that the want HAS to supersede the need, otherwise we are set up for failure and at any point if I feel like I am there only because I feel like I need to be there … what I really need to do is decide if it is actually what I want anymore.

I watch many relationships/friendships become need based. When they come out of it, it is extremely difficult to watch them regain their sense of independence again. They are naked, vulnerable and somewhat lost as to what to do next and most often the need-based cycle repeats with the next person.

This is no way to live OR to love. How can you love someone else if you cannot remember to love yourself first?? Or you put everyone else’s needs before your own??? (I battle with this constantly)

Food for thought: Relationships as a whole are products of evolution and constant evaluation. If one or both parties involved forget this important piece, it is difficult to do damage control in order to salvage.

Ebb and Flow

I have been thinking a lot about love lately.

Is simply loving someone enough anymore?
How well do I love others?
Do I allow love in?
Does love mean the same as it did to me 10 years ago?

I am finding that real love suffers an evolutionary process that many either do not anticipate or are not invested enough to withstand. The ebb and flow of love are like the ocean waves against the shore, and the waves themselves can be more passionate than others, depending on the moon and the tide.

The difference between love and the sea is that unlike the ocean, love can dry up completely if it is unattended. It is not self sustaining. Without a consistent interest in loves well being, the survival or revival becomes less likely over time.

I imagine the shipyard of broken hearts would be much less if we considered more of how we love others.